I Was a Kaleidoscope

•July 7, 2010 • 2 Comments

~I am laying in bed, attempting sleep at 8 o’clock pm, sun is still somewhat out, boredom kicks in.~

Yesterday, I re-read one of my favorite blogs I had ever written. It was the first one I had ever written. Laying in bed right now, I decided to go back and read my first 4 or 5 blogs I produced and see what I was doing then. I had one title “Who The …. are The Arctic Monkeys” and I had said I would go back and re-write when I wasn’t drunk laying on the floor. So here is my rendition of the original post. Enjoy. I don’t feel good so it will most likely be a bit dry.

Death Cab for Cutie is the perfect band for the winter months. Makes me want to put a scarf on, grab a coffee, and walk around downtown Austin and enjoy myself. I believe I was driving home from class one night around 9:30 when the lyric in question got me to thinking.  Said lyric is this, “I wish we could open our eyes To see in all directions at the same time.” It is from “Marching Bands of Manhattan.”

I have never been known to think to deep on subjects like this. But these words mixed together to create this sentence had my mind running like a fat kid being chased by a zombie. All our lives, we only see what our eyes see. Picture your head as a square with your eyes on one side, now, picture a beautiful girl on the right, a best friend on the left, and your dream car behind your square-shaped head, and finally, picture a piece of dog crap in front of your eyes. In logic, or at least my logic, the only thing you see is a big, steamy pile of poo, correct? This brings me to this, ‘Do we only see a 1/4 of our lives? I can only see in one direction at any given time, what have I missed?’

I am fully aware that this  might not make any sense to some of you guys, but if you do get the jest of what I am saying, ponder on this. Your life would be totally different if your eyes were on the opposite side of your head. For better or worse, your actions being carried from a different point of view would ultimately change your life. And to be 80 years old, and realizing that you have only seen a 1/4 of your life, would you have any regrets? When all those times you looked right, should you have been looking left? Defiantly if you were crossing a road? haha

Right now, my head feels like it needs half of my skull taken off to relieve the pressure building within. So, right now, I am going to bed.

“Every man dies.  Not every man really lives.” Braveheart

The Art of Farts…

•June 28, 2010 • 4 Comments

Friday, June 26, 2010, a day I will soon forget because it holds no significant memories of any kind except wanting to go wandering through the woods. In this soul searching journey, I was hoping to figure out how to get rid of my so-called “writers block.” So, yesterday (Sunday), I grabbed my backpack, MP3 player and some grub. 2 miles in, still nothing to write about. Then, sitting on a little waterfall far from a single person I could be, it hit me. Seriously, it hit me. Does a bear crap in the woods when no one is watching? Because, I was thinking, “Does Bradley crap in the woods when no ones watching?” I held the gut-wrenching pain, and remembered a little list I wanted to do but found it oddly embarrassing to write… till now. So I, Bradley, bring you the list that will change my blogging career, “The best places to crop dust in public.” Enjoy.

#1. Church When I was a kid, I remember the preacher telling us youngins to run down to the front for story time. Looking back on that, the first thing I think of is, “Was he scoping out who he wanted to molest. Find the weak ones and the strong ones?” But, second to that is this. What if I was running, to hear how Moses built the arc and how many animals of each species he would take (anyone catch that?), and I just tooted all the way down the isle way for say, 6 pews (sp?), and gas the congregation. That would be the funniest thing, for fact that you are sitting in church and some old woman with blue hair is like, “Whoops, my diaper is full.”

#2. Mall We have all been there, walking through the mall, d-bags walking the wrong way, kids running around and crying. What better way to get back at those kids than walking right in front of them, there face at sphinkter level, and rip one for 15 steps, non-stop and watch a 3 year old stop crying and start vomit immensely. Total payback to kid and said kids mother for being a poor, neglectant mother.

#3. Family Outings I’m a strong beleiver in this one. Awkard moments, drunk unkles and barking dogs, who DOESN’T need a stress releiver? (all joking) So next time you are helping clear the tables, do it, and stand in a corner and watch.

#4. Escalators Now this one, I picked up in Las Vegas. 2 a.m. on a saturday night/sunday morning, feeling delirious and giddy from all the great games of black jack I had played and broke even on, it happened. Drinks and stale food for 24 hours just doesn’t do the system any good. But what better place to releive the pressure than go on an escalator? Think about how one works, you go up or down in a lateral motion. Your butt is where someones face is fixing to be. Now, add a releasement of gases into the person behind you face and start the entertainment. They will follow it all the way to the top or bottom. Hehe

Now, I beleive in karma. Treat someone with respect or do something nice and it will come back in a positive way to you. So, I am excepting the next week to be filled with horrible action against myself for doing these crimes against my fellow human beings. But oh well, I’m still awesome/sexy/slightly funny.

What a Long, Strange Trip It’s Been

•April 19, 2010 • 2 Comments

I have been wanting to write something for a while, but I do not feel anything is really worth writing down right now. Working anywhere from 10 to 14 hour days and sometimes Saturdays to getting off work and trying to get my slightly obese bottom out and attempting to run, I just haven’t felt the dying urge to write something hilarious and indulge my many readers of the many things that turn my little brain in the odd direction that it turns.

So, as to not feel so sloth-like, I guess I can update you little ones on what is to come up in the next couple of months which will hopefully cause excitement in my little life and persuade me to write, in-depth, it down.

Starting off, the first and major thing I will be doing is working. I am averaging about 55 hours a week and another 5 to 6 hours of travel time. (I do realize this is really boring, but, I don’t get paid for this so go to Holytaco  if you wanna read something funny.(: ) Which leaves me hardly anytime during the week to be productive. Then most Saturdays I work about 8 hours.

Now, on to something a little more entertaining or a LOT more entertaining. May 4th, a couple of things are happening, but I will only speak of one ;). Cage the Elephant is playing at La Zona Rosa and I am excited. Not just cause this is one of my favorite band, but cause the fact that, AutoVaughn is opening up for these guys. It might just be one of the greatest shows I will ever see. I hope to have pictures and maybe a baby from the show for a future post.

Next, Vegas oh 10. A yearly thing (we are trying to make it yearly) my brother and I do is going to Vegas. This year we are going for a shorter time with more money… Not sure how that is financially responsible but if anyone knows me, I am not a financial responsible type of guy. I mean, I spend money on books, movies, food, gas…, I just keep spending and spending. Anywho, I’m hoping this year, we can have a little more fun, and not walk around like Asains with fanny-packs looking at monuments and what not.

I hope that once my body starts to get used to this wierd cycle of up and down, work and not work, and more importantly running, I can enlighten you find gents with something more of a giggle box of laughter blog. But untill then, you can check out my brothers blog, The Runners Blotter, or my buddy Stevens blog, or my other buddy Clints blog, Clint Prints. Good night kids.

It’s better than herione, right?

•March 27, 2010 • 3 Comments

‘In books I meet the dead as if they were alive,
in books I see yet to come…
All things decay and pass with time…
all fame would fall victim to oblivion
if God had not given mortal men the book to aid them.’
-Richard de Bury, The Philobiblon

You may be wondering where that came from. Well, I do not know. I saw it in a book and liked it. I think that it goes good with what we are to learn on todays program at my blog. I understand that everyone is addicted to something. Some may be crack, gum, sexual activities, or even reading. Yes, reading.

But I myself would not call me an addict. I would use a different term used to describe me. I am a binge reader. Much like the minors of today that can not “score” the specific substance of choice, they are forced to do large amounts of it when they can get it. This applies to me, except for that fact that I can “score” a book any time of day.

My brother, who put the addiction thing into my head, had said that it seemed like I am trying to escape reality. I understand he is just half-way-joking, but in a sense, I am. I read to escape life, the crappy job, the lackluster friends, and so on. I read alot of fantasy about wizards and the gods of mythical Greece and what not. (I am 100% sure my nerd level just doubled.) But I do read them to escape I guess you could say. Isn’t that what reading is for?

I understand the concern. Every year, I get into moods where I want to read all day. The time is usualy when the weather is quite dismal part of the year. (not sure if that made sense or since. its 11 o’clock and im begining to not care about punctuation or anything ha) I want to lay in bed or on my couch and read. Not all year though. Mostly the spring and summer, I have my binge jeeping thing going on. But right now, I am on the downward slope of coming off my high. I only plan on reading 2 more books. 6 weeks ago, i had planned to read 8. Now I am down to two and have nothing on my list.

So, in all, rehab for readers could be a possiblity, but I don’t think I will need it.

Also, check out my brother blog. He has an awesome report made up of SXSW ’10 this year with awesome pictures for those who cant read at his Runners Blotter. Feliz Navidad.

Note: I did not proofread nor care to, so you can tell me I messed up but nothing will be taking care of. So suck it.

WordPress for Droid? Bathroom breaks got more interesting!

•February 25, 2010 • Leave a Comment

It has been a while since I’ve been on this little site. To be honest, writing for 4 people just got a little boring. But alas, Droid just got the app. for WordPress and now I have something other to do in the morning bathroom visits other than read WWW.textsfromlastnight.com .
I find this awesome because when I want to write blogs, its usually at work. So, more posts are likely to come quicker than what I had been doing in the past.
On a much more deeper note, black history month is almost over. Which means white history month is on the way. Wait! No its not because that would be racist. So hence forth (not sure what that really means so bear with me) I have come to the conclusion that… blah, i was going somewhere with that but someone is now beating King the door to use the restroom. Good day my lovely collections of used attractions.

Perversion of Dave Matthews

•January 16, 2010 • 1 Comment

As I had previously posted here, Dave Matthews helped make my 2009 awesome. Upon hours and hours of listening to DMB, I soon to come to the realization that Dave, to be quite frank, can be perverted at times. So, I have decided to pick 5 songs that, when first heard, I was like “Did he just say that?” So, sitting at the hotel bar in Houston, Tx, I present you this list:

  • Crash Into Me– This is one of my favorite DMB songs. It is a beautiful song, but holds a certain voyeur content to it. Pretty much, a kid is watching some woman through a window. Who hasn’t done that though? The specific lyrics I am talking about is this: “Oh I watch you there, through the window, And I stare at you, You wear nothing but you, wear it so well, tied up and twisted, the way I’d like to be, For you, for me, come crash, into me.” It amazes me how just about everyone’s favorite DMB song is about a voyeuristic little boy coming into manhood. No pun intended.
  • Seven- Now this song is filled with a lot of perverted things, the song pretty much is about wanting to get with a chick. One line is as this, “Woman please I be your possession, You are my obsession, Let me go down.” Seriously, check out these lyrics. I wonder how his wife feels about this? I don’t think I could have the balls to say such a thing in a song.
  • Stay (Wasting Time)-  This is one of my favorite DMB songs. I am in fact dancing to it right now in the bar. “I watched as sweat ran down your face, Reached up and I caught it at your chin, Lick my fingertips.” Now I know, that doesn’t sound as bad as some of the other stuff. But listening to the song, it clearly puts a pornographic image in your head.
  • Shake Me Like a Monkey- Just from the name of the song (it might just be me being immature) sexual acts pop into ones head. This song is powerful sounding. The way it was mixed, the guitar and trumpets. Just an excellent song. “I like my coffee, With toast and jelly, But I’d rather be licking, From your back to your belly.” I mean, come on? That is just really blunt. If you were to say this to a girl a party or a bar. Your butt would be on the ground quicker than a fat kid running a marathon. However, if you were to say this to a chick who is a big Dave fan, then your chances of getting lucky might just increase a little more, depending on how slutty said chick is.  
  • Dream Girl- This song is also awesome. Your wife or girlfriend, this girl, should ultimately be your best friend and Dave states the repeatedly in Dream Girl. Lyric in question (if that is the right way to say it) is this: “I was feeling like a creep as I watched you asleep, face down in the grass in the park in the middle of hot afternoon, Your top was untied and I thought how nice it’d be to follow the sweat down your spine.” Unless I do not know my Homo Sapien body parts, I believe if you were to follow someones sweat down there spine, you could potentially end up pretty far south of the equator on said chick. At least he admitted feeling like a creep though.

 

 As the bar is fixing to close, seemed ironic that I have finished this little entry to a list of blogs I hope to add more entries to. DMB is an awesome band to listen to as I have stated before. So, as I finish my beer, I will be headed back upstairs to get some rest before the new day begins at 6:30 am. I hope you guys have enjoyed reading it as I have enjoyed looking at lyrics for the past 2hours. Goodnight or Good Morning.

 

 

I Wanna Be Random……

•January 10, 2010 • 3 Comments

I take pride in being random. It sparks up good conversation during Christmas dinner and also tends to keep me entertained. So, whilest taking a shower, the decision that was made to keep myself from killing myself from boredom would be this, blog random thoughts. But, do not limit it to just thoughts. Mexicans.

  • Why are urinal cakes usualy pink? Seriously, who decided that the color that men should releive theirselves on was to be pink? Yes, there are many other colors, but I see pink urinal cakes all the time.
  • There is roughly 5 empty bottles of water surrounding me while I sit on my couch and when I sleep, there is also around 5.
  • When I look around, sometimes I think to myself, “I only see a quarter of my life, I wonder what is happening in the 3/4 I don’t see.”
  • This is already getting boring.
  • What does “Humanizing the vacuum” in a Spoon song mean? Like, dirty? or making it a robot like Haley Joel Osment in AI?
  • Isn’t Haley Joel Osment a gay name for a boy?
  • Again, I’m bored, and slightly hungry.
  • Urinary Tract Infection.

Well, that didn’t ease the slow death of boredom. Maybe one day, my brother and I can voice record our dinners with family and such and see how that goes…..